C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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