I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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