My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
