Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
