RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
