Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
