I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
