I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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