listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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