Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
