And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
