Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
