just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
