just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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