Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
