I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
