I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
