As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
