I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
