i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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