I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
