I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize
