So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Bring me that man meat
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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