your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
