What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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