How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
