Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
