Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
