take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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