it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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