omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
