Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
