wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
