So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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