I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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