with your own penis?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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