dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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