Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
