Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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