haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
