i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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