dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
