i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
