Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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