you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize