he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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