There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
