he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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