also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
