Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
