on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
