i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
