if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
