Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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