Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There r osticjed everywhere
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
