So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
