Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
