I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
