I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
