my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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