I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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