new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
