please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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