The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
