She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
