I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
