Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
