So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
