I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
