your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
