I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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