they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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