I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
