nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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