Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Your mouth is God's brothel.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
