I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
