I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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