Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
