If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
