You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
