i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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