you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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