not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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