he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
a search helicopter?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
