you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
