You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
