***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
