I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
