their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
