Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
