I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
