on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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