i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
