would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
