dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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